noun : the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world1
- “Definition of EGO.” Www.Merriam-Webster.Com, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ego. Accessed 19 July 2026. ↩︎
I unfortunately did not get this next drawing done before my deadline of writing this, but so far I am still pretty much on track to get every piece done by September/October. I should be finishing this piece up between today (7/19) and tomorrow (7/20.)
I knew I wanted to make at least three to four pieces in pen instead of pencil. I don’t personally love drawing in pen; typically I reserve the month of December for drawing in pen (I don’t know why specifically that month, that is just the month I have always only drawn in pen.) But, my pen drawings always turn out to be my most popular work, and I do enjoy the process of scribbling on paper until a form appears.
I really, really do not enjoy the blue stain that is impossible to get off my hand though. Can’t wait to go to sleep tonight in my white comforter and wake up to it being slightly blue.
My slight hate for pens aside, this is probably the most personal I’ll be getting with any of my pieces for this exhibition. I don’t typically like drawing things specifically from my life or personal experiences in my artwork, I try very hard to keep my art as impersonal as possible actually. I really like when people message me or tell me that they can see themself in my work, or can relate my work to their own personal life/experiences. So even though I am a semi-realistic self-portrait artist, none of these pieces are really about me. Or if they are, it’s extremely vague and I will never talk about it.
But with this newest piece, “ego” I went very, very direct with the definition. Specifically the root, literally translating to “self.” I intentionally made this piece about me. The past few months I have had a very contentious relationship with drawing, and especially drawing myself. I won’t go into much detail but I met someone last October who I had really looked up to as a “mentor” of sorts. And we would send each other art, go back and forth with critiques, he would really push me to think about my art and my techniques. But that relationship quickly deteriorated over the course of a few weeks. He was much, much older than me, I thought of our relationship more like how I saw a grandfather-figure. After a few months of knowing him he revealed his more sinister intentions. I’m going to keep those intentions and his actions incredibly vague because they don’t really matter to the point of this little side-story.
But eventually I had a really, really hard time drawing myself, or just drawing in general. I had shown him all of my art up to that point so I started to feel “bad” when I no longer felt comfortable showing him. And to counteract those feelings I decided to just stop drawing. Problem solved, can’t feel bad about not sharing my work with him if I’m no longer drawing.
Unfortunately this person will be in my life until the beginning of August due to “contractual” obligations. But now that I will be free from that environment in a few weeks I’m finally beginning to feel more comfortable and confident in myself when dealing with this person.
And that’s what this newest piece is essentially about: “the self especially as contrasted with another self.” (“Definition of EGO”)
That is also why this piece specifically is in pen, I really like creating a more scratchy texture when dealing with certain emotions or topics. I always try to be intentional with my medium/techniques when I think about the broad topic of a piece. I debated which color pen or pens to use in this piece for a while. Originally I was going to use a heavy mix of blue and red to create a lot of purple tones. I ultimately decided to do a more monochromatic piece, it’s not 100% monochromatic however. The figures will be 99% done in blue but I wanted the pointer fingers on each figure to be done in red. I think it’s easy to point fingers in situations like the one I was in, thinking “oh I shouldn’t have done this and it wouldn’t have happened” Or, “I should have done this.” But that kind of blame game is not constructive or helpful.
To create a little bit more depth and separation the “inside” of the figure is also a mix of red and blue. And the background will be done in black/gray pen to really make the figures pop.
I am finally beginning to really look forward to drawing again and especially drawing myself! Even if that drawing is done in pen and now my white comforter is stained.
My next piece will be my birthday drawing. I already have a few ideas for this piece, nothing set in stone yet but I want it to involve a car maybe. I have been really wanting to draw a car for some reason and feel like my birthday drawing is the perfect excuse to give in to that want. I mean, nothing screams “birthday” like a car drawing am I right?
Detail of “ego” pictured below:
Update from my last post because I know you’re all wondering, turns out sharpeners do get dull and you need to replace them every few months. So, apologies to Faber-Castell and Derwent; you are both perfect brands and I have since bought a new pencil sharpener.