Entering my second ever art show (everyone clap please) and what better way to celebrate #2 than by making a 72×42” (6 ft x 3.5 ft) drawing? No, seriously, is there a better way because this is a lot of work and sleepless nights. I don’t even want to know what I’ll think of doing for art show #3. 

This art show, unlike the last one I entered, has a theme and is specifically looking for realism artists. Now, I don’t usually classify myself as a “realism” artist. When people ask me what kind of things I draw/my style I answer with: “I draw surrealist self-portraits.” And yes, okay, surrealism is technically realism, you got me. But I’m not usually super realistic. A lot of my stuff is pretty sketchy and messy, I like seeing pencil lines and scribbles. You can look at my work, and while it is semi-realistic, you can tell its pencil on paper.

Anyways, on to the themes. 

The themes for this, or the ones that stuck out to me were: stillness, change, and liminality. Because I’m a self-portrait artist I tend to think of things in a “human” way. Meaning, I thought of stillness and change pertaining to a human (specifically me.) And because of that, I kind of thought the mixing of stillness AND change was somewhat of an oxymoron. How can we, as humans, be still and change? More importantly, how do I draw that? 

As humans, in order to change, we can’t stay still. Remaining static seems to be more of an aversion to change than anything else. Things that stay still rot in place. 

So, with those thoughts plaguing my waking moments and interrupting my first week back in classes, I got to sketching. Another thing about my art process, I don’t usually plan out my drawings. Whatever happens, happens. I’ll have a rough idea, an even rougher composition, a hand that is begging me to take a break and I’ll get to drawing. But for this piece, especially with how large it is, and especially, especially with how short a time frame I had to make this monster, I knew I needed a solid plan. 

I had a few ideas at first for a more S-shaped composition, something more fluid. But that didn’t fit the theme at all. I needed something more rigid, it has to be still. I desperately needed this to fit the theme, I cannot stress enough how little space I have for this drawing if they don’t accept it. Someone is taking this piece no matter what, I think my dorm room is smaller than the length of this paper. 

After my failed S-shape composition idea, I went on a two hour walk to try and think of this strange combination- still and change. Safe to say these words were tripping me up. I know I could’ve played it safe and made a still-life, something, you know, still. But that’s not my style, I hate still-lifes with a passion akin to my hatred for drawing hair. (Sorry if you like those things I just, personally, find them extremely tedious and uninteresting.) In the end I had a half-baked idea by the time I started walking back to my dorm room. Something including a stone I saw on my walk and a door. Nothing solid or particularly well thought out. I mean, seriously, a stone, really? That’s the best I could come up with? Nothing gets more still than that.   

It wasn’t until I started walking up the stairs in my dorm that I came up with my third and final idea, a staircase. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Oh wow, really creative, I mean the idea to draw a staircase while you’re IN a staircase. Sensational!” I have no defense to this. Could I have been more creative? Eh…No. That creativity is reserved for art show #3. 

Back to the idea. 

Usually in a staircase, you have two options, you can go up or down. Or, let’s say you have an aversion to change, an aversion to moving up or down. Let’s say you stay still. Unable, unwilling, to move past the landing and make a choice of: up? Or down? Stillness and change- pertaining to a human. 

I cannot adequately describe the feeling of relief I got when I had the idea for a staircase. You know that feeling you get when you have the idea? That’s the feeling, a literal lightbulb exploding in my brain ten times over. Or maybe I was just extremely dehydrated and exhausted from my walk, whose to say. 

I’ve never really drawn a staircase before. I think I drew one once for an inktober prompt two or three years ago. For the past eight (?) months maybe, I haven’t even drawn a background. Leaving white space or sometimes scribbles as the “background.” But I’ve done background work in the past and I mean, how hard could a staircase be? I say, sitting comfortably in my bed on August 29 writing this weeks before it’s due. As of right now I have maybe half the piece done and plan to get it completely finished this week.  

Oops, rambled a bit too much there. Back to the theme. 

So, a staircase. I have my stillness and change. If you’ve seen my work you’ll know since June I’ve been drawing chairs. Why? I don’t know, they’re slightly more interesting than my usual subject I guess. Specifically this one kitchen chair my mom had, I say had because I’ve since taken it to live with me (thanks mom.) I flipped the staircase to be on its side and more horizontal because I really wanted a triangle composition. I use them a lot in my work, at least I try to, and think they create a really interesting look. And as for the chair, I had to include it. It’s been my “muse” for the past three months and I have no intentions of stopping now. Because of my idea with the staircase, and the whole stillness/change thing, not going up or down but staying in place. I placed the chair floating unnaturally in the drawing. Furthering the idea that to stay still negates any change. The chair being in an unnatural place symbolizing that this figure has no intention of moving or making any “natural” choices whatsoever. 

The second figure reaching down to the chair was only added recently on the 9th of September. I felt the composition was lacking with only one off-center figure. I wanted the triangle composition to be more “in your face.” And I think the dead tree supporting the second figure hones in the changing of seasons theme as well. All in all, even though I added the second figure pretty late, I think it looks much better. (And as an added bonus I get to draw less bricks.)  

Some smaller details- 

• I taped flowers to my hand, some dead, some alive. These flowers are Cherry-blossoms and Ruscus. Both are common wedding flowers, both symbolize change. Yet, they’re taped to my hand, neither my hand nor the flowers can move without the other and my hand is still. They will rot in place. 
• The bars on the stairs, I wanted them to *slightly* resemble a cage or bars. I think the brick background furthers this idea of a “jail cell.” I also wanted the background, since it is taking up 70% of the canvas, to resemble a lot of the liminality aspect, I am quite literally between two bounds. Up/down. 
• I am backlit yet there is no lightsource coming from behind, this isn’t a mistake or a weird rendering error. It’s a question to the audience, the viewer. Am I blocking something? Some well-lit path, some place, some-thing. Maybe if I moved you would be able to see. But we all know there will be no movement here. 

Alright, and without further ado, unless you’ve skipped all the way to the bottom without reading this for some reason. Here’s the half-finished piece: Last Words Of A Kitchen Chair, taking a whopping 50 hours so far and every single ounce of my sanity and willingness to EVER draw a background (especially a brick) again.