This past week I haven’t felt as though I was not at 100%. I felt fatigued both physically and emotionally, and my body let me know that I was in need of a break. I looked at this forced break as an opportunity to relax and reflect.
What did I do to relax and reflect? I spent a lot of time away from my phone and a lot of time lying around doing nothing.
When I was doing “nothing”, I became hyper aware of the fact that I was doing “nothing”. I was so in my head that every accomplishment felt minor and my little victories felt like a sarcastic pat on the back. The days that weren’t spent sleeping were spent in a state of chaotic-neutral panic. I was constantly questioning my ability to complete a task and I started trying to prove to myself that I was being counterproductive and lazy. The mild self-bullying didn’t do much to combat my funk, so I tried to find something that I would enjoy doing and would be capable of completing.
I let go of the mental restraints I built up, and told myself that I deserved more time with myself- in order to find and pursue a realistic goal.
What great idea came to my mind? Making stickers.
I was expecting a big break- a new found love for myself that would end with a large cinematic breakthrough; paintings to emerge from thin air, and a kickin’ internal dialogue to narrate my new life. What I got was something a little more realistic.
In my efforts to force myself to create and produce, I found myself asking the unsure parts of myself for guidance. For a long time now, I wanted to sell my art in ways that would leave me with some cool experiences and aneat inventory. After watching almost every video on how to start a sticker business, DIY sticker making, printer hacks, and perfect papers to sell prints on; I talked myself into pursuing a dream and setting the goal of producing one sticker design before the end of the week. After ordering some paper online and locating my precision knives, I created and printed exactly one sticker.
This is a little victory for me- I don’t have much to show for this week, but, I have a sticker design that I like enough to show off a little bit. I am learning not to be so hard on myself and for however long I need to, I will be nursing my inner critic to guide me in more productive ways.
Even though the sticker is bare, I have opened a door of opportunity that I am excited to see through. I have started a much needed dialogue with myself regarding self-kindness and ableness.
It is okay to want a reset and it is okay to grant yourself one.