I’ve always loved art class in school. Before I ever started drawing for fun or outside the classroom, they were the highlight of my days. I made sure to sign up for every level that my school’s curriculum had. 

I don’t remember what most art classes were called before I got to Jr. high, but they each had names. When I got to around ninth grade I believe they were just called Art I, II, III, IV, and AP. 

And I started taking art more “seriously”, meaning I was drawing outside the classroom for fun and with intent to better my craft, around Art I. Or maybe a little before, the Covid years make it hard to remember. 

I do remember however, in Jr. high, art classes were all about teaching value, shape, and form. I was taught one, two, and three point perspectives, we drew still lifes constantly, and each project was about teaching us a new skill. Then when I got to high school, it became less about teaching us things and more about the projects themselves. Meaning we were given a prompt and a week or two to draw something relating to that prompt. Or maybe a medium (watercolor, ink, acrylic, etc.) Drawing every day, or in my school schedule’s case, every other day, is in itself a great way to build skill. You’re not going to get good at something if you don’t practice consistently after all. 

I never really had a problem with this set up, as long as I was drawing I was happy. And I was seeing improvement either way, so this concept of only receiving prompts was good enough for me. The issue I had with my high school art class, however, was how we rated each other’s art pieces in red, yellow, orange, and green colored cards. My first taste of public rejection and open opinion about my art.

Around my senior year of high school, I was in art III, our art teacher changed up how we saw and presented our artwork. Our usual method- standing in front of the entire class and talking about our work, wasn’t replaced but instead we had something added to that procedure. At the beginning of class, after we all finished our projects, our teacher gave everyone four cards. Red, yellow, orange, and green. The cards represented different things at different times, but usually the green represented our favorite piece, or the best piece in class, the red: the best fit of project theme, or best technical skills, the orange: which piece we think took the longest, or sometimes shortest, and the yellow: most creative. Or something along those lines, they would all periodically change depending on our project or sometimes just because. We would then walk around the room and place all our cards down (not on our own work.) We could put all our cards on the same piece if we wanted, there really weren’t rules to this besides not putting any of your cards on your own piece. This meant that some people’s artwork was given almost every single card, leaving a sparse one or two on some other people’s work. And it meant that sometimes, one or two people didn’t get any cards. This system did not affect our grade in any way, I can’t think of any reason, besides to boost class engagement maybe, on why we would do this. I don’t think many people liked this system- I didn’t like this system. 

I cannot stress enough how horrible of an idea this was for most of these projects. Not only were we just not learning many techniques (if we did they were all youtube videos not something the teacher demonstrated for us), but we were given project prompts at different skill levels. Being in art III wasn’t any different than being in art I, you weren’t necessarily better or worse, that was just the order of art classes. I am not saying this in any way to boast about myself or my skill level, those colored cards offered nothing more than a short burst of serotonin and severe embarrassment for me personally. But I would often end up with most or all the cards in the class. This was not a pleasant experience, I hated the voting system, we weren’t voting on “good” art but the perceived thought of what “good art” even was. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as bad human made art. This colored card system would seem to imply differently though. 

We went from simply talking about our art in front of the entire class to outright rating them in front of the entire class. This was also the year I had failed to get into AP art. I’m sure you can imagine my confusion, being “best” (if we’re pretending getting the most paper cards = being “the best” as it was implied) in the classroom, yet my art teacher didn’t allow me to take AP. I’m not sure how that works in other schools but to get into AP in my school the art teacher had to approve you or recommend you. I was not approved or recommended to move forward into AP. Another rejection. 

This entire colored card voting system continued the rest of the year. 

Don’t worry, there’s a point to this essay.

Very recently, I was rejected from an art show. I can’t say I handle rejection particularly well, I am human afterall and this rejection deeply upset me. I had poured hours of my life into a piece that I made with intent for this specific art show. 

Yet, as I’ve gotten older and have been rejected more and more often, I can’t find it in me to view rejection as “bad.” 

The color card system in my high school was pointless and anxiety inducing, that was bad. But it made me draw every single day. I had such a big fear of being publicly rejected in a classroom that I had grown such a passion for making art. On one of the last days of my senior year in high school, my art teacher came up to me as she was handing back our last projects. And she said, “I wish I would’ve put you in AP last year, but you know- your art just wasn’t…” Good. Being the implied word. Another metaphorical push for me to keep going, not that I enjoyed her saying that in any way. Remember, I do not handle rejection well and this was told point blank to my face. 

And still, I wonder if I hadn’t been told those things, if I hadn’t been rejected from AP, if I would’ve done as much with my art. 

And with this most recent rejection, I was upset when I first found out. But it also made me realize that that had been the hardest I’d pushed myself in a long while. I didn’t realize how comfortable I had gotten with my art. I wasn’t drawing to “improve” anymore I was just drawing. And that’s not a bad thing at all, for me, as an artist, I draw for myself and no one else, I do this for fun. But I still strive for improvement. And you can’t do that if you’re comfortable. So I simply do not have it in me to be disappointed by this rejection. I didn’t think I’d be able to do this in the first place but I did. And it has caused me to continue pushing myself to make things I never would have even tried to make if I hadn’t started that piece. I am endlessly grateful for every opportunity that comes my way, and every rejection or admittance that comes with it.